And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
