There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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