bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
