i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
