I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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