Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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