Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize