I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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