Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
