so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
