and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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