you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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