you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
