If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
