fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
