I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
