i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
do herpes really smell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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