if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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