im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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