Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
