dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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