I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize