Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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