Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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