"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
