Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
