It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
