Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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