please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
