I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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