5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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