Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
