Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
