Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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