life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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