Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize