There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
