Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
