Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
