Yo dont text me then not text me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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