ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
