so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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