i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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