Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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