I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
