You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
