Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
