Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
