he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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