I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
