you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
