My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
