You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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