i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
