The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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