it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
