My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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