I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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