I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
