dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
