barbara walters just said penis...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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