Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
