That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
