maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
