I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
