i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I understand Curling. That high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize