I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Found your dick twin last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
