I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize