It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
