and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
