Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
