I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
