I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
