And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck appropriateness.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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