He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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