summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
