He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
