i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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