hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
